My Neighbor Died

Back in December I posted these comments about my neighbor

Dec. 28, 2009

I am worried about my neighbor next door to my house. I have spoken with him several times. He is not currently living in the house next door, as he is taking care of his mother who has Alzheimer's. He talked to me about the problems with his family, as often occurs when there is a parent to be cared for.

His van appeared at his house the day before Christmas, and has not moved. Someone came by his house yesterday, and again today, but his van has not moved.

My neighbor had confessed to me a few months ago that he had "fallen off the wagon".

Perhaps he is just drowning his sorrows. I certainly hope he didn't decide life was no longer worth living.

Care giving certainly takes it's toll, so perhaps he just needed some time alone.

Today someone came to my neighbors' house. It was his brother. He said my neighbor had indeed died, about 2 weeks after I made my posting.

According to his brother, my neighbor had gone into rehab, where he met some guy with whom he started hanging out. Apparently they started smoking crack together, and my neighbor died.

They think it was a heart attack, but the autopsy report is not yet back.

I feel really bad about this. My neighbor seemed like a nice guy, but just never got his life in order.

Mom's Birthday

My Mother's birthday was last week. She would have been 86.

Thinking about my Mother's life, she was lucky to not have too many regrets.

She did make a comment, after she had her stroke, that maybe she should have married her high school boyfriend. She said he was very nice, but the reason she broke up with him was because he was so short. She said she didn't realize this until she saw a picture of them together. I recently saw this picture, and he was indeed short, coming up to just above her shoulder.

I tried to offset her regret by reminding her if she hadn't married Dad, she wouldn't have me.

Of course, maybe she would have had better children. But, maybe not.

I was certainly not her perfect daughter. She tried her best to get me to be, what in her eyes, would be the perfect daughter.

That would be:
1) Play the piano well enough to play for a church service
2) Sing well enough to sing a solo (in church)
3) Marry a preacher
4) Have children, at least one girl
5) Be a good cook
6) Be a good seamstress

I managed to accomplish only 1 on this list.

However, after one of my childhood friends married a preacher, but then got divorced a couple of years later (after having an affair), I know she rethought what she wanted from me, to merely things she didn't want me to do.

This was reinforced when she was making a baby quilt, which she announced would be for the first grandchild. When one of my friends jokingly asked her if the baby had to be legitimate, she began referring to the quilt as a "doll blanket".

But, at the end of my Mom's life, I was able to redeem myself and became the "perfect" daughter, by taking care of her. All of her friends from church told her how lucky she was to have me, and she told everyone that when I was born, I was an answer to her prayers.

The one regret I have is that I didn't write down stories my Mom told me after she had her stroke.

I took a creative writing class, and got her to tell me stories with the idea I would write about her life.

So the next blog postings I will try to write down some of these stories, so I won't forget. Maybe one of these day I will write a book, like every other unemployed person these days (LOL).

And to anyone reading this, please take the time to get your parents to share stories of their lives.

Try to live without regrets.

Broken-Heart Syndrome

The Wall Street Journal has an article entitled Broken-Heart Syndrome.

The mysterious malady mimics heart attacks, but appears to have little connection with coronary artery disease. Instead, it is typically triggered by acute emotion or physical trauma that releases a surge of adrenaline that overwhelms the heart. The effect is to freeze much of the left ventricle, the heart's main pumping chamber, disrupting its ability to contract and effectively pump blood.

I always find it interesting when modern science comes up with proof that maladies sometimes thought to be old-wives tales, do exist.

It's a rather lengthy article, so you might not care to read it all.

However, I found the last part amusing, so will repeat it here

.... some events with strong emotion affect people while others don't. One patient in Dr. Wittstein's research suffered an episode after she entered a dark room and people jumped out to wish her a happy birthday. A year later, her brother died. "You'd think that would be much more stressful, but she didn't get the syndrome."

OK, maybe you won't find it amusing. Maybe I have a warped sense of humor.

Just remember this before you arrange a surprise birthday party for your 80 year old Mother.

click here for link to article

Sad news

One of my good friends phoned the other night to tell me she has been diagnosed with MS.

I was a little shocked.

Although she has had a limp for years, she always said it was some nerve damage, and no mention it might be MS. She and I went together to Portugal about 6 years ago, and we walked all over ruins and climbed dangerous steps. Although she had a problem with her leg, she never let it slow her down.

I guess she has a special kind of MS. All they can offer is physical therapy, the medicine won't work.

In some way I know she is glad to know what is wrong, but of course, on the other hand knowing it will be progressive must be difficult.

For some reason, this news hit me quite hard.

Of course my b/f has health problems, but I always think that his problems can be managed.

My friend will most likely only get worse and worse.

Makes one realize why we must enjoy life, appreciate our friends, and not put off doing all those things we want to do.

Contract on Mom's house

Great news!

We got a contract on my Mom's house. Two weeks after it was listed.

Of course the initial thought is "we priced it too low", and, maybe it was. But, it wasn't priced so low that any of us thought the price was wrong, so we are all happy to have the sale underway.

The closing will be in 60 days (our request) so we have a little bit of time to get everything out of the house.

Now, the other really good news is my brother M has signed a contract on a house. It was a house sold by HUD, and he got it for a really good price. It's in fairly good condition, mainly needs cosmetic work. It has a huge 2 plus car garage, which in mind mind was the best thing about the property. It will allow him to have a place to store all the stuff he loves to drag home. I just hope the property doesn't turn into "Sanford and Sons".

I am trying to steer him into the idea that he could sell this house in a couple of years and maybe double his money, so perhaps that will be an incentive to keep it looking nice.

Anyway, it's a way to tie up the money he will received from Mom's estate. We all feared that he would just go out and "blow it", and then not have anything to show for it. He's done it before, and it's not uncommon behavior for someone who is bi-polar.

So he is excited, I am excited, and life is pretty good.

Except for a phone call from one of my friends.

More on that later.