Thursday, April 30, 2009

My mom is getting better -- rats

Oh Great! My mom is getting better. She fed herself today (which she stopped doing about a month ago). She ate a lot of food, talked some (which she had stopped doing), and appeared a bit more "with it".

One cannot tell by reading this, but my "oh great!" was stated with cynicism.

My mom is not suppose to be getting better.

She is under hospice care. She is on her way to check out from this world.

I must be too good of a caregiver.

Note to self.

Stop taking such good care of mom.
Start taking better care of yourself.

My eye twitch returned today.

I'm going to get the paper, sit on the couch and just chill out. Well, after I put a load of clothes in the dryer, and get something going for lunch.

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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

When will mom die?

I realize one of the problems I am having is not knowing when my mother will die.

It's not that I am now afraid she will die. Over the past 2 years I thought she was going to die about 20 times or more. The first being when she collapsed during rehab and was called "code blue".

So, in many ways I have already mourned her passing.

Now I am at the stage, which I can only tell my very closest friends, that I am afraid she won't die. Oh, I know that someday she will die, but it might not be as soon as I thought.

And that's a bit depressing. For me, and quite frankly, for her.

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My eye is twitching

I have been a full time caregiver to my 85 year old mother for 2 years. She has been confined totally to her bed for over 2 months.

Last week my left eye started twitching. I am quite sure this is stress induced.

This is one reason I decided to start this blog.

I find writing to be therapeutic, so I hope this will relieve some of my stress.

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