Settling In

Things are calming down.

M was able to use his bedside commode on his own this morning. He ate breakfast, and the home health came about 10:30, got him into the tub, on a shower chair, and gave him a shower/bath, and even trimmed his hair.

This afternoon I could tell he was getting bored, so I went to the basement and brought up some of my Mother's old photo albums and I found a scrap book I don't think we ever really saw before she died. So M is enjoying looking through those.

He also wanted pencils, a high lighter, and I suggested candy, so went to the store to get those.

M says he has a pain in his chest, so I gave him 2 aspirin, and later he said he still had it, so I gave him a little bit of morphine. The nurse loaded up a bunch of syringes with a low dose of morphine, so I don't have to try and figure out the dose.

I just took his blood pressure, which is 80 over 65, but his pulse is 107, so his heart is racing. Of course, his heart is probably working harder because it's not working well. I suggested M try to do some deep breathing, and offered to put on some music. I don't know what else to do, and he is not really in a lot pain.

G had dialysis today. He came back around 3:00, ate a lot of the pot roast dinner, strawberries and sugar free cool whip. He says he has lost weight, which he needed to, but very seldom does he lose his appetite.

Except for cooking, dishes, and answering call buttons, I am staying inside taking it easy. It was to hit 101 today.

I might even try to read a book.

Letting Mom go

Well, my Mom is failing.

The home health aide came today. I had to have a talk with her. Tell her that she needs to let me Mom go.

The last time my Mom took a turn, the home health aide got her to eat. I swear, my Mom didn't die then only because the home health aide wouldn't let her.

So today, when she arrived, I told her " You have to accept the fact that Mom is dying, and tell her it's OK. I've already told her it's OK for her to go to heaven, so you can't be telling her she has to eat". We laughed and cried.

I suggested she wash my Mom's hair, as I knew my Mom would enjoy it (she was sweating yesterday from her exertion). And, I knew the home health aide would feel good that she could do something for my Mom.

Working in the field of hospice is just emotionally exhausting. The home health aide is planning to get her degree in nursing, and go into another field. She has been a home health aide for almost 10 years, so it's time she progressed.

I made the aide cry

No, I wasn't mean to her.

We were talking about my Mom. How much she has declined since the aide first met her in February.

Apparently at one of their staff meetings a few weeks ago, the assessment was that my Mom doesn't talk. The aide took exception to that.

However, my Mom doesn't talk much. Not now.

She talked more in February, when the aide first met her, and that's what sticks in her mind.

When I mentioned this today, I could tell it kind of upset the aide. And a few moments later she was sniffling. I gave her a tissue. No words.

I always think hospice home health aides are use to this...but in a way it's nice to know they aren't. At least not this one. And she has been doing it a long time.

I thought she would be use to this kind of thing.

But, I think my Mom has a special place in her heart.

That's a nice thought.

We get so few.

Nice thoughts, that is.