Thinking of those still here

I still have one Aunt living on my Mother's side of the family. She is the youngest of the 9 children born to my Grandmother. I guess she is about 80 years old.

After my Mother's funeral I was asking her questions about her parents...things I might have asked my Mother, but Mom was always a little evasive. My Grandfather was bi-polar, and I know this was very embarrassing for my Mother. My Aunt, upon realizing she is the last of the family, has been more forthcoming with stories.
I need to go see her this year. She lives about 6 hours from here.

Then, on my Father's side, I still have one Aunt. I recently thought of some questions about that side of the family, and hope I can visit her more often to learn more. She was always a bit cold, a no-nonsense type of farm wife. But, now that they have moved off the farm, and she doesn't have to cook everyday, she might have mellowed. Her son found it amusing to learn they ate at fast food places quite often. It was a novel experience for them, after living out in the country for 80+ years.

And then my b/f's Mother. She recently had some health issues, which reinforces the need to visit her as often as possible. As she lives about 15 hours from here, it's not an easy trip. Perhaps she can come visit us, once my house is livable.

It's scary to think almost all of my parents' generation is gone. But each day I read the obituaries, and sometimes I recognize a name.

At least now it's my parents' generation, and not mine.

I need to keep that in mind.

I miss my Mom

I miss my Mom.

Of course, I miss the vibrant woman who was fiercely independent, but I even miss the Mom who was an invalid, confined to her bed.

I spoke with the home health aide yesterday. Of course, we spoke of Mom. The aide commented on how Mom was able to eat and enjoy food, up until almost the end. And, how she was always in good spirits.

I don't know if my Mom was really always in good spirits, but she sure acted like it, probably because she knew that's what we needed. Of course, she wasn't in pain, and generally not even in any discomfort.

Although it's always difficult when a loved one dies, I think that because she was in distress the last 4 hours of her life, it helps me to be glad that she is no longer suffering. Neither she nor I could have handled much more.

And so I am at peace with her being gone.

But, sometimes I cry. Not a lot. I haven't had one of those exhausting crying sessions. I really hate those.

And besides, Mother would not like me crying.

I can hear her now "But honey, you knew I was going to die".

Yeah Mom, but that doesn't mean I don't still miss you.

And I always will.