I miss my Mom

I miss my Mom.

Of course, I miss the vibrant woman who was fiercely independent, but I even miss the Mom who was an invalid, confined to her bed.

I spoke with the home health aide yesterday. Of course, we spoke of Mom. The aide commented on how Mom was able to eat and enjoy food, up until almost the end. And, how she was always in good spirits.

I don't know if my Mom was really always in good spirits, but she sure acted like it, probably because she knew that's what we needed. Of course, she wasn't in pain, and generally not even in any discomfort.

Although it's always difficult when a loved one dies, I think that because she was in distress the last 4 hours of her life, it helps me to be glad that she is no longer suffering. Neither she nor I could have handled much more.

And so I am at peace with her being gone.

But, sometimes I cry. Not a lot. I haven't had one of those exhausting crying sessions. I really hate those.

And besides, Mother would not like me crying.

I can hear her now "But honey, you knew I was going to die".

Yeah Mom, but that doesn't mean I don't still miss you.

And I always will.