That is not an option!

Today, as I was driving to the VA, I got a phone call from the case manager.

Long story short, she was under the impression G had refused medical treatment, and if he did not want continue procedures, then perhaps they would not be aggressive, and essentially, put him on "palliative care" (ie; hospice).

Well, you can imagine my reaction. Essentially I told her the Drs. just needed to try harder and do a better job, and no, I know for a fact that G had not refused medically treatment. I got a call at 5:00 AM from the incompetent nurse, telling me the same thing, so I got up and drove to the VA. What had happened was this nurse has trouble getting an IV into G (G is hard to stick), and called in another nurse, but then he also was trying, and G told him they didn't need to be trying 2 IV sites, try just one first.

Anyway, we agreed to meet. So she sat and talked with me for a while, and then she and I went into G's room, and she talked to him, which made his blood pressure go up (which was actually good as his blood pressure was low)...anyway, we are to have another meeting tomorrow with all Drs. involved to be sure we all know the plan of action going forward.

Also, the Dr. filling in for the renal Dr. came in today. We talked about all the problems getting access, and he mentioned a couple of new things they have had success with, so perhaps tomorrow he can enlighten others as to what can be done.

Good advice from others

The New York Times has an article on patients with Dementia, mentioning that although this is a terminal disease, too much aggressive treatment is done for the patient. They recommend patients with end stage dementia should be treated the same as those who have terminal cancer.

This comment posted after the article has been a great help to me.

It's hard for me to accept my Mother not wanting to eat. I guess I need to get over that.

I did 24/7 care of my father for 7 years. We stayed at home the entire time.
If I had to do it over again, I’d change a few things.
During the final few months, I would not encourage the loved one to eat any time they didn’t feel like it.
Alzheimers patients slowly lose their desire and ability to eat.
Just allow their natural inclination to be the measure of need for food. If they want it, feed them, but do not encourage them to eat more or more of any particular item.
This is especially true in the final 3 months.
Eventually the same will hold true for even liquids.
When they no longer want to drink, offer it, but do not encourage it.

Do not withhold anything, but allow the process to proceed even if you think it will bring a end to their life sooner.

Lastly, give more rather than less pain relief. Err on the side of too much, especially in the final weeks, days and especially hours.
I would have given even more, even too much, pain relief.
I should actually call this discomfort relief rather than pain relief.
With the Alzheimers process faster is better than slower.
Better for the patient and better for the care giver.

Let them go… That is what I learned from my years of care.