This is just exhausting

Saturday morning one of my cousins called about 8:30 in the morning. He wanted to come by and see my Mom in the afternoon.

I said "great", how about 2:00 or 3:00. That worked for him.

Then I went back to bed.

I swore I didn't sleep, but the next time I looked at the clock it was noon.

Wow, what a shock.

I felt really bad about not taking care of my Mom before then, but boy did it feel good to sleep that late.

It was really nice to have a visitor. I don't know how much my Mom comprehended. I don't think much, but I managed to get her to say "hi", and "bye". She was just happy I was feeding her ice chips during our visit.

Sometimes, especially at night, I just absolutely do not want to go take care of her. But then, I just "buck up" and do it.

But, boy is it exhausting.

Tonight I thought her breathing had gotten shallow, which would be a sign she was dying.

However, on closer inspection, I think that she is just breathing better because of the allergy pills.

This could go on for much longer.

The hospice nurse comes tomorrow. She will probably give us "the talk" again, but I'll believe it when when I see it.

I know that sounds callous, but there have been so many times I thought she was dying, I just don't even get worked up about it anymore.