No help from sister
ALERT
Just to be upfront, this posting is whining about my sister. I write this so if my friends want to read it they can, but at least they don't have to listen to me.
My sister holds the POA (Power of Attorney) for our Mother's finances and health.
She tried to switch the health POA over to me when she realized decisions would need to be made (and I was the one taking care of Mom), but was told by the attorney she couldn't switch one without switching both. Apparently, she didn't want to give up the control of the finances.
When my (our) Mother was in the nursing home after her stroke, she was absolutely miserable. She couldn't sleep. She would finally drift off to sleep around 3:00 AM, only to be rousted out of bed at 5:00 AM.
At one point, my sister was feeling so badly that she said to me (tearfully) "I think my family will move in with Mom and take care of her".
Well, a few weeks later, I couldn't take it either. I took Mom out of the nursing home, to care for her in her home.
I somehow, stupidly, thought that since my sister had expressed her intention to care for mom, that she would help ME take care of mom.
Ha.
It was as if once I made the commitment, the problem was solved, and she could continue with her life unchanged.
My mom did not sleep for the first month. Seriously, no more than a couple of hours at a stretch. Which meant, I did not sleep. By the end of a month I was so sleep deprived I feared I would have a heart attack or nervous breakdown.
Only when I BEGGED, and pleaded, did my sister agree to spend the night once a week so I could sleep.
Once I took Mom off the Plavix (which was causing the problem) and she started sleeping, my sister quit coming over.
My brothers would come over to stay with Mom, but not my sister.
When I took off for vacation last January, I told my sister she would have to find a way to take care of Mom. She looked at a nursing home close to her house, but said it was even worse than the one Mom had been in before. So, she took her to her house.
After a few days she was calling me, saying she thought she was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown.
Welcome to my world.
One would have thought she would have been sympathetic to my plight, after doing for 1 month what I have done for 2 years.
No. It was as if she did her time, and that was it.
Not only does she not come over to help, she doesn't even bother to come see mother. She attends a church only 10 minutes from here, but says she doesn't have time to stop by on the way home.
Finally, last week she called and said she would be in the area, and would stop by. That she realizes she should stop by and see mom when she is in town.
Still, no offer to give me any time off.
On the bright side, I am pretty sure she isn't taking money from my Mom's accounts.
It could always be worse.
Just to be upfront, this posting is whining about my sister. I write this so if my friends want to read it they can, but at least they don't have to listen to me.
My sister holds the POA (Power of Attorney) for our Mother's finances and health.
She tried to switch the health POA over to me when she realized decisions would need to be made (and I was the one taking care of Mom), but was told by the attorney she couldn't switch one without switching both. Apparently, she didn't want to give up the control of the finances.
When my (our) Mother was in the nursing home after her stroke, she was absolutely miserable. She couldn't sleep. She would finally drift off to sleep around 3:00 AM, only to be rousted out of bed at 5:00 AM.
At one point, my sister was feeling so badly that she said to me (tearfully) "I think my family will move in with Mom and take care of her".
Well, a few weeks later, I couldn't take it either. I took Mom out of the nursing home, to care for her in her home.
I somehow, stupidly, thought that since my sister had expressed her intention to care for mom, that she would help ME take care of mom.
Ha.
It was as if once I made the commitment, the problem was solved, and she could continue with her life unchanged.
My mom did not sleep for the first month. Seriously, no more than a couple of hours at a stretch. Which meant, I did not sleep. By the end of a month I was so sleep deprived I feared I would have a heart attack or nervous breakdown.
Only when I BEGGED, and pleaded, did my sister agree to spend the night once a week so I could sleep.
Once I took Mom off the Plavix (which was causing the problem) and she started sleeping, my sister quit coming over.
My brothers would come over to stay with Mom, but not my sister.
When I took off for vacation last January, I told my sister she would have to find a way to take care of Mom. She looked at a nursing home close to her house, but said it was even worse than the one Mom had been in before. So, she took her to her house.
After a few days she was calling me, saying she thought she was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown.
Welcome to my world.
One would have thought she would have been sympathetic to my plight, after doing for 1 month what I have done for 2 years.
No. It was as if she did her time, and that was it.
Not only does she not come over to help, she doesn't even bother to come see mother. She attends a church only 10 minutes from here, but says she doesn't have time to stop by on the way home.
Finally, last week she called and said she would be in the area, and would stop by. That she realizes she should stop by and see mom when she is in town.
Still, no offer to give me any time off.
On the bright side, I am pretty sure she isn't taking money from my Mom's accounts.
It could always be worse.
Labels: no good siblings
posted by Confessions of a Caregiver at
10:00 AM
1 Comments:
Your post made me laugh, only because I experienced the same thing with my siblings when my mom was really bad mentally. They wanted me to put her into a nursing home. I wouldn't.
Now that my mom is doing better and able to carry a conversation again, my siblings are back. My mom is delighted. My brother and sisters are excited to have their old mom around.
Like you, I wondered what the heck? I felt dumped on and began to feel self pity. I had a pity party and no one came... boo hoo.
This attitude didn't help me one bit.
My Naturopath Doctor summed my siblings attitudes up in one sentenced, "they didn't know what to do."
It's stressful for everyone, especially you. I'm sorry that sometimes you feel like you are dealing with this alone.
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