Feeling trapped

My brother is to come today. He lives out of town and hasn't been here since Memorial Day.

I thought he was coming last night, but either he or I got it confused. Anyway, he is coming sometime in the next couple of hours.

I am not really sure why he didn't come earlier. I think he wanted to watch golf on TV. Even though we don't have cable, I am pretty sure he could have watched it here.
But, I suppose he wanted to watch it in home, so he could flip through all the sports channels. Selfish bastard. He could have come here and just at on the sofa so I could get out of the house. But, I didn't say anything. I try to just be happy that he comes at all, unlike my sister.

I find that I get very anxious when someone is expect to come, and they are late.

I find myself pacing. It's like I am a caged animal, waiting to be released. Now I really feel sorry for all the animals at the zoo. This is how they must feel.

It's an awful feeling, this feeling of being trapped. And honestly, it's not that there is anything in particular I want to do. I just want the freedom. I miss the freedom.

God, I am going to hate it when I am old, and trapped in a nursing home.

I really can understand the British couple who went to Switzerland to jointly commit "assisted suicide".

Well, I shouldn't be so whiny. The weather is nice, so I can go outside in the yard.

Think I will do just that.