Advice from someone who has been there

This, from Dutiful Daughter

Feed her, it’s a sign that she’s not ready to die. Someday she will refuse to eat, and that will be your sign that she’s ready. My mom got to that stage, and Dad was bewildered when the Hospice nurse said that we were to stop giving her medications and even water. Even now I sometimes have to remind him that the timing was Mom’s, not the Hospice nurse’s. He’ll say, “I remember when Mary said to stop giving Mother her medications.” I’ll chime in and say, “Remember that she only did that after Mom stopped eating.”

On that day, our family and friends began to gather in Mom’s room. My daughter drove in from college a couple hours away and my brother who lives out of town flew in the next morning. Any family member within range arrived, and our closest friends, including several ministers, came for visits. After quite a few visitors all one day and most of the next, there came a moment in the late afternoon when only my dad and Mom’s three children were in her room. Dad said something like, “Well, we’re all here,” and held her hand. Within a few minutes her breathing changed, and I knew she was dying. She took her last breath about 10 minutes later. It was the most amazing experience of my life.

Mom had severe Alzheimer’s and had not had much control over her life for several years, especially the last two. At the moment of her death, it was as though she took control and triumphed by choosing her own time and situation. She went with her husband of 58 years and all her children surrounding her and loving her.