The guessing game
When will mom die?
That is the question which my siblings (and I) continue to ask.
So much so, that the one which holds the Power of Attorneys (not me) asked the hospice nurse to meet to discuss.
I don't know the full outcome of the conversation, but I suspect it was something like "who knows?".
I think the best advice I received on this matter was "you cannot plan for when they will die, you can only plan for when they die".
The funeral is planed and paid for, so that's the best we can do at this point.
Well, I guess we could quit giving her drugs, or feeding her (as someone suggested), but I could not imagine doing so unless she was really in pain or totally out of it. Furthermore, I think that might fall under the category of elder abuse.
That is the question which my siblings (and I) continue to ask.
So much so, that the one which holds the Power of Attorneys (not me) asked the hospice nurse to meet to discuss.
I don't know the full outcome of the conversation, but I suspect it was something like "who knows?".
I think the best advice I received on this matter was "you cannot plan for when they will die, you can only plan for when they die".
The funeral is planed and paid for, so that's the best we can do at this point.
Well, I guess we could quit giving her drugs, or feeding her (as someone suggested), but I could not imagine doing so unless she was really in pain or totally out of it. Furthermore, I think that might fall under the category of elder abuse.
Elder abuse is doing something or failing to do something that results in harm to an elderly person or puts a helpless older person at risk of harm. This includes
- Physical, sexual and emotional abuse
- Neglecting or deserting an older person you are responsible for
- Taking or misusing an elderly person's money or property
Labels: elder abuse, when will mom die
posted by Confessions of a Caregiver at
11:26 AM
1 Comments:
From my point of view, as long as your mom eats, even if you have to feed her, it’s a sign that she’s not ready to die. Someday she will refuse to eat, and that will be your sign that she’s ready. My mom got to that stage, and Dad was bewildered when the Hospice nurse said that we were to stop giving her medications and even water. Even now I sometimes have to remind him that the timing was Mom’s, not the Hospice nurse’s. He’ll say, “I remember when Mary said to stop giving Mother her medications.” I’ll chime in and say, “Remember that she only did that after Mom stopped eating.”
On that day, our family and friends began to gather in Mom’s room. My daughter drove in from college a couple hours away and my brother who lives out of town flew in the next morning. Any family member within range arrived, and our closest friends, including several ministers, came for visits. After quite a few visitors all one day and most of the next, there came a moment in the late afternoon when only my dad and Mom’s three children were in her room. Dad said something like, “Well, we’re all here,” and held her hand. Within a few minutes her breathing changed, and I knew she was dying. She took her last breath about 10 minutes later. It was the most amazing experience of my life.
Mom had severe Alzheimer’s and had not had much control over her life for several years, especially the last two. At the moment of her death, it was as though she took control and triumphed by choosing her own time and situation. She went with her husband of 58 years and all her children surrounding her and loving her.
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