M Died

M died this morning about 5:00 AM.

I had a bed set up in the living room outside M's door, as I had planned to sleep outside his room until he died. I just didn't expect him to die so quickly.

I think what happened is because M was flat in bed, fluids built up in his lungs. We had told would eventually happen. Also, because he wasn't moving around all the time, and on the pain pills, his heart probably didn't pump as well.

About 1:30 this morning I heard M coughing, so I got up, put another pillow under his head, and gave him the recommended dose of morphine, which was very small. He coughed a little more, but then settled into his normal night time sounds.

Probably even in my sleep I was listening to him, because around 5:00 AM I didn't really hear anything, so I finally got out of bed about 5:15 to check on him, and realized he was already gone.

I asked my b/f to get up and dressed to be with me, waited until 6:00 to call the hospice agency. Of course they have to come and pronounce the death before the mortuary can pick up the body.

So, M left my home about 7:30 AM.

I am so, so, sad. Yet, so glad that he did not suffer more. Two days ago he was replacing batteries in various lights, remote controls, hearing aides, etc. He's the one who said "you need triple A batteries".

Always the task master.

I will miss him, even with all of his craziness.