Overnight in Mom's house

I stayed overnight in my Mom's house Thursday night.

It was the first time I slept there since the night before she died. The night she died I didn't stay there. I just wanted to escape. So I did.

But now I need to be sorting through my things, and taking them to my house.

I had never thought I should do this before. I bought my house 2 weeks before my Mother had her first stroke.

I always thought that if Mom saw me moving out my stuff, she would fear that one day I would follow it, and leave her. Although there certainly were times I wanted to "quit my job", so to speak, I couldn't and wouldn't.

Early on after my Mother came home, I could tell she was really worried she would be put back in the nursing home. So I told her that I would always take care of her.

I don't regret doing so. However, there were many, many times I wished I could continue living my life, as I had planned.

So, when I was at my Mom's, I didn't really feel a lot of sadness.

I think I am going through the "anger" stage of grief.

I'm angry I had to put my life on hold for over 3 years. I'm angry my Mother had her strokes, and everything she had to suffer through.

Perhaps I can learn from this experience, and make better plans for my last years on earth.